If I Was A Tree
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Just how many other guys does Yuushi NEED? Really. (written for Oshitari's birthday)


Gakuto was enjoying a nice cocktail and watching Little House on the Prairie (which he would not admit to watching should anyone ever happen to ask) when the doorbell rang. He waited for Yuushi to answer, but apparently Yuushi was really asleep in their bedroom. How Yuushi could sleep while he was still awake and sitting all by his lonesome on the couch, he really had no idea; for some reason Yuushi hadn't even been in the mood for sex that night. He must be sick.

So, after about ten minutes of constant buzzing, Gakuto decided to get off his ass and answer it himself. He was not at all pleased to discover his former tennis buchou on the other side of the door, with his finger pressed firmly on the buzzer.

"What the hell do you want?" Gakuto demanded, in a very tactful manner.

"I need to talk to Yuushi."

"Yuushi? He's asleep. Go away."

Atobe brushed past Gakuto, and entered the apartment.

"You can't just burst into someone's apartment, asshole --" Gakuto stopped short when he saw Yuushi (clad only in a pair of boxers -- the ones that Gakuto had given him for his birthday, with the naughty words all over them) standing in the hallway.

"Keigo! What a surprise."

"…" Gakuto looked back and forth between the two of them. "What exactly is going on here?" He didn't like the way that Yuushi had used Atobe's name. It sounded altogether to deep and husky and sexy, just the way that Gakuto liked to hear Yuushi say _his_ name.

"I want sex," Atobe replied. "I thought you could help me."

"Why, of course!" Yuushi exclaimed.

"Hey, wait a minute here!" Gakuto's voice came out as more of a shriek than a bellow, much to his dismay. "How can you just walk in here and demand sex from my Yuushi? And why are you agreeing to it, Yuushi?"

"He's not your Yuushi," Atobe said.

"Yes he is --" Gakuto was cut off from any further protest when the doorbell sounded again. This time Yuushi answered it (still clad only in those boxers).

"Ah, Jiroh! How nice to see you."

"Want sex," Jiroh mumbled sleepily. "Okay?"

"Well, you'll have to wait your turn."

"Have you become some kind of whore while I wasn't watching?" Gakuto demanded. "Yuushi --"

Yuushi ignored Gakuto and hustled both Atobe and Jiroh into the living room -- just as the doorbell sounded once again.

"You two make yourselves at home," he said. "Gakuto, would you mind making my guests a few drinks?"

"Since when do I do anything for anyone?" Gakuto demanded. "And why the hell should I make drinks for your new bitches?"

"Who was watching Little House on the Prairie?" Atobe asked.

"Don't like Little House," Jiroh mumbled. "Want to watch Pokemon."

"…" Gakuto twitched as he watched the two men his man was having an affair with dominate his couch. _His end of the couch._ The nerve.

"Takahisa! I'm afraid there's a bit of a lineup. Would you like to come in?"

"ANOTHER ONE?"

This one was really quite good-looking, and Gakuto wouldn't have minded an hour or two alone in a janitor's closet with him, but that was beside the point. The point of the matter was -- YUUSHI WAS FUCKING THREE OTHER GUYS.

Gakuto heard banging on the window. "What the --?" He peered outside, and saw -- a face.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Sengoku Kiyosumi! I'm here to see Yuushi!"

"Go to hell!" Gakuto pulled the blinds to close out the fourth -- only to see that the fifth and sixth had arrived, in the form of twins.

"You can have us both at once, this time." Kisarazu Atsushi was saying. "It'll be more fun that way."

"Sounds interesting."

"YUUSHI!"

"Yes, Gakuto?"

"Why are you having so many affairs? And why are you having them in OUR house?" Gakuto's ego was beginning to deflate a little, and he was feeling positively panicky. One or two other guys he could handle (usually with a swift kick in the groin) but EIGHT?

Wait a second, it was only six a minute ago --

"I didn't know you were Yuushi's uke, Syusuke!"

"Ah, well, I couldn't resist someone who also knows Higuma Otoshi. I'm surprised to find you here though, Koujirou."

"You know I'm a sucker for glasses."

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" Gakuto shrieked, but the gathering crowd continued to ignore him.

Am I really that boring? Gakuto wondered. He had always prided himself on his creativity and flexibility, but now it seemed that he really wasn't all that he'd thought -- if Yuushi needed twelve guys --

TWELVE?

When had Shishido, Ohtori, Kikumaru (damn him for being flexible too!) and Inui (INUI SADAHARU??!!) arrived?

All right, that's it, Gakuto decided. I'm not going to stand for this anymore. He got up on the table, and waved his arms around and made a high-pitched wailing noise (it was a cross between a siren and a screaming donkey) until everyone shut up and paid attention to him.

"Listen, all you freaks! Yuushi was mine first, so get the hell out of here!"

Gakuto found himself being attacked with various bits of rotten fruit. He was flabbergasted. Never in his life had he been treated this way. He actually felt like crying.

"You can't have him all to yourself," said Atobe. "We all want a piece of that ass."

"What you mean is that we all want him to have ours!" Sengoku chirped. (How had he managed to get in? Hadn't Gakuto closed the blinds on him and shut him out? He must have come in the front door, but when?)

"I wouldn't mind having Yuushi to myself," said Kajimoto thoughtfully. "Maybe he'd let me be seme once in a while."

"Don't start getting ideas!" Saeki warned. "No one can have him all to themselves. It does sound nice, though."

"That's it!" exclaimed a very tall and grey-haired -- was that Akutsu Jin? -- boy exclaimed as he jumped to his feet. "I'm taking him for myself!"

"No! He's mine!"

"Yuushi's mine!"

A very large and vicious catfight involving twenty-five men ensued. (TWENTY-FIVE?) Gakuto was left out of the mess, and stood to the side, watching with a sinking feeling of despair. Yuushi was in the middle of the mess being pulled every which way.

"What about ME?" he wailed.

"Sorry, Gakuto, you'll have to wait your turn…"

Wait his turn? But Gakuto was supposed to be Yuushi's ONLY uke! This just wasn't fair! Yuushi was HIS!

…but obviously he wasn't enough for Yuushi. Yuushi wanted something that he just didn't have, and had to seek in twenty-seven other men…

…

Twenty-seven?

Suddenly, everyone was clad in their pajamas, with pigtails in their hair, and they were beating each other with pillows that had pictures of Yuushi's mother on them.

"Stop it, all of you!" Gakuto shrieked. "You're going to set fire to the toilet!"

Yuushi laughed diabolically. "This is what you get for being a tree, Gakuto!"

"No! I'm your only uke! Your only uke!"

--

"YUUUSHHIIIII!"

"Gakuto, please, wake up."

Gakuto felt himself shaking gently, and blinked open his eyes to see Yuushi looking at him in a concerned manner.

"I think you were having a nightmare."

"Yuushi!" Gakuto cried, and threw his arms around Yuushi in what could only be described as a hug. This was a rare occurrence for them; they usually skipped that stage and went straight to the whips and chains.

"Gakuto?"

"You were fucking all these other guys, and they all showed up at once, and they all wanted you to do them, and they were waiting in the living room, and no one was listening to me, and --"

"Shh, Gakuto, it was just a bad dream," Yuushi said, soothingly.

"I'm your only uke, right Yuushi?"

"Of course, Gakuto."

"And you wouldn't care even if I was a tree, right?"

"It might make things a little difficult, but I would do my very best to make it work," Yuushi promised.

Gakuto breathed a sigh of relief, and relaxed against his lover's chest. "If you ever cheat with that many guys in real life, I'll kill you. In fact, if you ever cheat with anyone else at all, I'll kill you."

"Understood."

As Yuushi carried Gakuto back to their bedroom, Gakuto had one more scary thought --

"We don't have any pillowcases with pictures of your mother on them, do we?"

"Don't drink while you're watching TV anymore, Gakuto."


End file.
